My mom and I have an interesting relationship. On the one hand, we're very close. We talk almost every day, and usually we get along well. On the other hand...well, nobody ever has the power to hurt you like your mom does.
Grant's first birthday is coming up in November. I've been planning to have his birthday party on his birthday, which falls on the day before Thanksgiving this year. I've been talking about this for a while now, and I know I've talked to Mom about it more than once before today. The only reason we'd move his party to a different day is if Jacob's work schedule doesn't cooperate. So what does Mom tell me today? "We're going to do our Thanksgiving dinner on Wednesday this year, because it's the only day everyone has off". I reminded her that Grant's birthday is that day. She said that they'd work out Thanksgiving for a different day. I figured the problem was solved.
She called me back later to say "We have a problem. We always celebrate Roxanne's birthday on Thanksgiving". Roxanne is my sister, and she'll be 18 this year, but her birthday isn't until December. We usually celebrate her birthday early to avoid celebrating it too close to Christmas. Mom wanted to know if I'd be willing to combine Grant's birthday party with Roxanne's. When I didn't want to, she started to lay on the guilt.
Maybe this sounds like a petty thing to be upset about, but this isn't the first time. I'm expected to give up or share my special days (and now my son's special days, apparently), but others in the family won't do the same for me. When I got married, I'd had the date set for 6 months at least when my sister eloped (different sister) and decided to set their ceremony of blessing for the weekend following my wedding. I was (and I guess still am) really hurt by it, because it was my wedding day and I wanted to be the focus for that one day. My family was angry at me for being hurt and basically told me that I shouldn't be hurt, that it was selfish of me to be hurt for being expected to share my wedding day preparations with my sister. I sucked it up for my sister's day, but it hurt.
Grant's first birthday is a really big deal for me. It's a validation that he is going to be here for a long time to come. All of the other kids in the family have had their own birthday celebrations and haven't been expected or even asked to share theirs with someone else, so it bothers me that I'm expected to just drop my plans for Grant's first birthday or include someone else in his special day. I'm especially bothered that when I said that I really didn't want to make Grant share his birthday with his aunt, I was made to feel guilty and my mom started to make comments about Jacob, as if Jacob was the reason I didn't want to have Grant share the day.
She did apologize to me later about it, but it still bothers me.
Grant's first birthday is coming up in November. I've been planning to have his birthday party on his birthday, which falls on the day before Thanksgiving this year. I've been talking about this for a while now, and I know I've talked to Mom about it more than once before today. The only reason we'd move his party to a different day is if Jacob's work schedule doesn't cooperate. So what does Mom tell me today? "We're going to do our Thanksgiving dinner on Wednesday this year, because it's the only day everyone has off". I reminded her that Grant's birthday is that day. She said that they'd work out Thanksgiving for a different day. I figured the problem was solved.
She called me back later to say "We have a problem. We always celebrate Roxanne's birthday on Thanksgiving". Roxanne is my sister, and she'll be 18 this year, but her birthday isn't until December. We usually celebrate her birthday early to avoid celebrating it too close to Christmas. Mom wanted to know if I'd be willing to combine Grant's birthday party with Roxanne's. When I didn't want to, she started to lay on the guilt.
Maybe this sounds like a petty thing to be upset about, but this isn't the first time. I'm expected to give up or share my special days (and now my son's special days, apparently), but others in the family won't do the same for me. When I got married, I'd had the date set for 6 months at least when my sister eloped (different sister) and decided to set their ceremony of blessing for the weekend following my wedding. I was (and I guess still am) really hurt by it, because it was my wedding day and I wanted to be the focus for that one day. My family was angry at me for being hurt and basically told me that I shouldn't be hurt, that it was selfish of me to be hurt for being expected to share my wedding day preparations with my sister. I sucked it up for my sister's day, but it hurt.
Grant's first birthday is a really big deal for me. It's a validation that he is going to be here for a long time to come. All of the other kids in the family have had their own birthday celebrations and haven't been expected or even asked to share theirs with someone else, so it bothers me that I'm expected to just drop my plans for Grant's first birthday or include someone else in his special day. I'm especially bothered that when I said that I really didn't want to make Grant share his birthday with his aunt, I was made to feel guilty and my mom started to make comments about Jacob, as if Jacob was the reason I didn't want to have Grant share the day.
She did apologize to me later about it, but it still bothers me.
Posts
September 23, 2009 at 3:29 PM
I'm gonna have to take your side on this. Maybe, maybe if it was a 2nd, 3rd, etc... it wouldn't be that big of a deal. But this is his first birthday and it's a HUGE deal!! They only have one and it's worth the fuss. For Ella we went ALL out and spent probably too much money for some things that she didn't even notice or care about and I'll admit most of it was for us, but the memories you'll have will mean so much and he can look back and see how truley special and loved he is. As I said before it is and was worth all of the fuss!! Celebrate him!