I had a blog topic come to me just now that I think is actually a pretty good one. It'd be good if people reading wanted to answer it for themselves, or add their own observations. My topic: How has being a wife and mother changed me?
Being a wife has helped me to mellow my strong will a little bit. I have a very "take charge" kind of personality, and I tend to latch on to an opinion or a way of doing something and run with it. That's a strength when you're a teacher, but it can be a weakness in your personal relationships since grown adults tend to resent feeling like they're being told what to do. Jacob helps me to recognize that fault in my personality and attempt to rein it in a little-- not that I'm always successful. Being a wife means that I no longer think in terms of "I" when I make decisions, but in terms of our family. It means I have to put another person's well-being above my own, which isn't always easy to do.
Being a mother has changed me the most, I think. Being a mother to a sick child is hard, and being the mother of a sick child that died is excruciating. Being a mother taught me what unconditional love really is. It's taught me that I am willing to endure anything at all if it means that my children are taken care of. It's taught me that being someone's mommy is the most important role I could ever fill. It's taught me to cherish every second of life, because life is uncertain and fleeting. It's taught me that I'd much rather get open-mouthed slobbery baby kisses and snuggles on the couch from my son than go out. Being a mother means that I willingly sacrifice things for my children that I would resent losing for anyone else.
My first child changed me in ways that I probably don't even notice fully. I know that I smile less than I did before. I know that I have a constant ache because he's not here. At the same time, I value life more because he showed me just how precious it really is.
My second child showed me that even after extreme hardship, joy is possible. He has changed me back into a closer semblance of the person I was before Kenneth died, and I don't think anyone else could have accomplished that.
Your turn now. Either comment on ways that you've seen me change since becoming a wife and a mom (if you've known me long enough to compare), or comment on how marriage/parenthood has changed or would change you. Should be interesting.
Being a wife has helped me to mellow my strong will a little bit. I have a very "take charge" kind of personality, and I tend to latch on to an opinion or a way of doing something and run with it. That's a strength when you're a teacher, but it can be a weakness in your personal relationships since grown adults tend to resent feeling like they're being told what to do. Jacob helps me to recognize that fault in my personality and attempt to rein it in a little-- not that I'm always successful. Being a wife means that I no longer think in terms of "I" when I make decisions, but in terms of our family. It means I have to put another person's well-being above my own, which isn't always easy to do.
Being a mother has changed me the most, I think. Being a mother to a sick child is hard, and being the mother of a sick child that died is excruciating. Being a mother taught me what unconditional love really is. It's taught me that I am willing to endure anything at all if it means that my children are taken care of. It's taught me that being someone's mommy is the most important role I could ever fill. It's taught me to cherish every second of life, because life is uncertain and fleeting. It's taught me that I'd much rather get open-mouthed slobbery baby kisses and snuggles on the couch from my son than go out. Being a mother means that I willingly sacrifice things for my children that I would resent losing for anyone else.
My first child changed me in ways that I probably don't even notice fully. I know that I smile less than I did before. I know that I have a constant ache because he's not here. At the same time, I value life more because he showed me just how precious it really is.
My second child showed me that even after extreme hardship, joy is possible. He has changed me back into a closer semblance of the person I was before Kenneth died, and I don't think anyone else could have accomplished that.
Your turn now. Either comment on ways that you've seen me change since becoming a wife and a mom (if you've known me long enough to compare), or comment on how marriage/parenthood has changed or would change you. Should be interesting.
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December 7, 2009 at 12:22 AM
I agree with you completely, on how becoming a wife makes you have to tone down the leader personality. Becoming a wife has made me slowly give up my desire for self-sufficiency and actually (gasp!!) DEPEND on someone else. And embrace my feminity, which kinda factored into the self-sufficient thing.
Becoming a mom has showed me most of all how sinful and selfish I really am!! ha!! And how little sleep I really need, and how much joy a child can add to your life despite the great weight of responsibility. And by seeing their naturally sinful natures, I see my own, and how God would like me to respond (obedience) rather than how I usually respond (whining, complaining, etc).
My third child showed me how God's plan still rules over my own, and how in His strength I can be a mother. Not perfect, but hopefully a good mother. I've decided there are no perfect parents, because there are no perfect (grown) children. My kids have also taught me to enjoy the simple things in life. Like you said, who needs to go out, when you have kids?! They also showed me how I wasted too much time on things that don't matter. And how much family does matter...which I didn't give as much priority before they came along...
December 10, 2009 at 12:46 PM
I absolutely love this post. so heartfelt and wonderful. Thank you for sharing.
December 28, 2009 at 5:48 AM
Lets see I agree that since becoming a wife you have mellowed your tendency to strictly independent and in complete control. It has helped you learn to work together in the most important team you will ever be a part of.
As a mother you have shown endless love and unbreakable strength. You always knew that you wanted motherhood, and that children were the greatest joy in life. After the loss of Kenneth you were inspirational. I don't know that I could have dealt with the loss with such strength and grace. I know your faith was shaken, but you still manage to hold on to it. Grant has brought back much of the joy in your eyes. Before he was born you weren't as happy. Many days it just seemed like you had lost the joy of life. Grant helped to bring that back. I always knew you would make a wonderful mother, and you have only exceeded my expectations.
I think that since we were 10 you grown from a stubbornly independent child that was too smart for her own good sometimes into a strong, compassionate, loving, and still stubbornly independent woman that I wouldn't change anything about. Keisha
December 28, 2009 at 6:57 AM
Kei, you're too nice to me. I'm so thankful we found each other again 5 years ago. It would have sucked to have to live life without my Keisha!