Is it crazy that I get jealous of heart moms that still have their kids here? I see them post updates on how their kids are doing and it just makes my heart ache. Kenneth would most likely have been up for his Fontan right about now if he had made it. I'm thankful that he's out of pain and will never have to endure another surgery, but the selfish side of me wishes he were still here regardless.
I haven't had one day go by that I haven't relived some part of Kenneth's hospital stay. I know that I've got some PTSD from it, but in a way I don't want to let go of those memories even if they are traumatic. Those memories are all that I have left of him. I'm jealous of the moms that have been able to make memories with their kids outside of the hospital. Is that terrible?
I haven't had one day go by that I haven't relived some part of Kenneth's hospital stay. I know that I've got some PTSD from it, but in a way I don't want to let go of those memories even if they are traumatic. Those memories are all that I have left of him. I'm jealous of the moms that have been able to make memories with their kids outside of the hospital. Is that terrible?
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December 28, 2009 at 5:51 AM
I don't think that it is horrible. I think that it is natural to be envious. It doens't seem fair that they get to have their babies with them while you don't. I know that if roles were reversed they would most likely feel the same.
Keisha